


I'm not joking

by IdontlikeIobsess



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: April Fools' Day, M/M, No Spoilers, Stiles is a little prankster, porn with a little plot, the title sucks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-22
Updated: 2014-02-22
Packaged: 2018-01-13 10:29:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1222972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IdontlikeIobsess/pseuds/IdontlikeIobsess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek overhears Stiles talking to Scott about his date in just two days. Maybe Derek should learn to mind his own business. And to remember what day it is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm not joking

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize in advance for any mistake :) Hope you like the story.

Derek really doesn’t want to listen to Stiles and Scott’s conversation but he can’t help it. Scott is basically yelling (at least for his sensible ears) and even though he is pretty sure Stiles is trying to whisper he isn’t doing a good job.

  
“Scott, I swear. I met this guy on the Internet and we went along really well. We skyped for three months… three months! And he was so nice and funny..”

“Are you listening to yourself?” says Scott “You don’t know him, he might be dangerous”

  
“And that’s why I want you to come to the date with me this Saturday. Kira can come, too. It could be a double- date!” Stiles is excited, Derek can tell. He doesn’t realize he is breathing heavily, trying to keep calm, and that his knuckles are basically white until Erica sits next to him. “Are you okay?” says the girl, giving Derek a concerned look. “Fine” answers Derek, and he tries to act like a normal person again. A person who definitely is not interested in Stiles and his blind dates. How can Stiles be so stupid, though? Derek thought the boy was one of the smartest people he has ever met, at least until that moment.  
When Derek looks up again, Scott is with Kira on the other sofa and Stiles is standing right in front of him, his hands in his pockets, his foot nervously tracing the floor.

  
“What’s wrong with him?” Derek thinks, but then he realizes that maybe Stiles is just thinking about his date and he is getting nervous about it.

  
“I should really go home” says Boyd, finally letting go of the X-box “Me and Erica have a date, haven’t we?”

  
“We definitely have!” answers the girl, taking in her hands Boyd’s face and kissing him on the lips “You booked that table ages ago!”

  
Derek catches Stiles mouthing to Scott “See, everybody has a date!” and Scott just shakes his head in disbelief.

  
“We should go home, too” says Scott to Kira “C’mon Isaac, I’ll drive you home”

  
“Coming” says the young Beta. He turns off the tv and reaches for his jacket and his scarf on the chair. “What?” he says when he realizes everyone is staring at him. “My neck needs to be protected”

  
“Dude, we’re in the middle of Spring. How could you possibly be cold?” says Stiles. While he is talking he sits casually next to Derek on the sofa and Derek can feel his weight next to him. He is so close, yet so far. _“And he has a date!”_

  
Isaac snorts and ignores Stiles, following Erica and Boyd outside Derek’s loft. “Are you coming, Stiles?” says Scott searching his car’s keys in his pocket.

  
“Uhm, no, go ahead. See you tomorrow”

  
Scott and Kira nods in unison and leave. “Bye, guys” says the girl, looking over her shoulder.

  
“Why are you still here?” asks Derek once they are alone.

  
“Whoa, thank you, you’re really nice to me” says Stiles, stepping up from the sofa and reaching the DVD collection that Derek has maniacally ordered by year. “Can we watch a movie? “

  
“You don’t have a tv at your house?”

  
“Was that a joke?” says Stiles “Because if it was, you should keep practicing. You’re still not funny”

  
“Why are you here?” Derek repeats “I mean, why are you here alone?”

  
Derek actually thinks that Stiles is acting strange, not leaving with his friends and staying at Derek’s house, but he knows that Stiles isn’t interested in that way. Derek has clearly heard him talking about a date for the next Saturday. In two days.

  
“Listen, my dad has the night shift. I’m home alone and I really don’t want to spend my Friday night being scared that some crazy werewolf with a thing for teenage boys will show up at my house, scaring the hell out of me. Can I stay here for just a few hours? If you don’t want to watch a movie we-”

  
“Fine” says Derek. Never in a million years he is going to say no to Stiles, especially when he is asking with such a sweet and cute face. Even if he knows Stiles has talked to another boy for months and is probably in love with him.

  
“Thank you” says Stiles “What should we watch?”

  
“You want to watch a movie, you decide”

  
“Let me see…” He scans trough the collection, touching every DVD and sometimes picking one of them up, and Derek is enjoying his view from the sofa, looking at Stiles’ strong shoulders and at his long legs. “I think War of the worlds should be fine”

  
Derek make an annoyed face. “I only keep that film because my sister likes it. I really don’t understand how”

  
“But it’s full of action, and monsters… aliens!” says Stiles “And come on, it’s Tom Cruise we’re talking about”

  
“Okay, turn on the tv” says Derek, reaching for the remote “I’m going to watch this movie for the first time, you should be proud”

  
“I am” says Stiles smiling widely.

 

* * *

 

 

Derek has tried really hard not to roll his eyes, but… what is his life? One moment Stiles is all chatty and funny and telling jokes and one moment later he is asleep. On Derek’s sofa. With his head on Derek’s shoulder. They didn’t even had the time to talk or to do something more interesting like-

  
 _“No_ ” thinks Derek _“Don’t even think about it. Don’t even start to fantasize…”_

  
But Stiles sighs in his sleep and all Derek’s good intentions are gone. He is so peaceful when he sleeps. His soft lips are slightly open and his eyelashes are so long they nearly touch his cheek. Stiles’ long and soft hair are tickling Derek’s neck, but he doesn’t mind. At all. Derek tries to find a comfortable position while trying not to move so much because he doesn’t want to wake Stiles up. He finally put his head on the back of the sofa and rests his legs on the coffee table in front of him. Stiles has watched only half of the movie and Derek is having a hard time admitting he has actually liked it. Maybe it isn’t very original, with all those aliens and Tom Cruise who wants to save all his family, but Stiles was right… it is full of action and Derek has watched it until the end. He turns off the television and without the light of the tv screen the room goes suddenly dark. Stiles is still breathing regularly next to him and Derek can hear his heart beating slowly. He can’t believe he let all those months pass without trying to get noticed by Stiles. But, when he really thinks about the whole situation, Derek knows why.

  
Stiles is always around him. At his home, in the woods when Derek is with Scott and the other Betas… he has even fallen asleep on his couch. And inevitably Derek thought that Stiles would always have been like that. It never occurred to Derek that he would actually had to fight for Stiles if he really wanted him. But he didn’t. And in the last three months Stiles had met another boy, a normal one. A funny, chatty, smart and human boy. He sighs and closes his eyes, falling asleep on the couch with his head just a few inches away from the boy next to him, his dreams switching from a sweet and cuddling Stiles to a sex maniac and really-good-at-blowjobs Stiles.

  
Derek’s life is a mess.

* * *

 

 

When Derek wakes up the next morning Stiles has already left. _Sorry for last night, I shouldn’t have fallen asleep. And thank you for not waking me up_ says the note he has left on the sofa. Derek smiles a little, thinking that maybe this time he has impressed Stiles, but then he remembers his date for the next day. Is it possible to be jealous of a person he doesn’t even know? He doesn’t know his name, or how old he is… Is he one of those fifty something man who are only interested in sex?

  
“ _He said he skyped with him! He saw what he was like!”_

  
But Derek feels the need to see Stiles’ date himself, just to be sure the kid is safe. But where they are going to meet? Derek doesn’t have a clue. It takes him only a few seconds to decide his next move, already heading towards the door to Scott’s house. Stiles has invited his best friend and his girlfriend to his date, so Scott has to know where they’re going.  
Now, he only has to come up with an excuse for wanting to know their Saturday night’s plans.

* * *

 

 

Derek is sure Scott is the most unreliable person he has ever met. They have talked for hours and, really, Derek has never talked this much, and still Scott hasn’t mentioned their double date… not even once. Derek is disappointed. He can’t just ask him what he’s doing the next day, because that would be suspicious.

“Derek, you should really try this pizza” says Scott from the kitchen while Derek is lying on the sofa with Isaac.

  
“I’m not hungry. And it’s just a pizza, don’t get too excited”

  
“Ehy, ehy, ehy, are we a little nervous?” asks Isaac smiling in a way that makes Derek want to punch him in the face.

  
“Everything is all right” says Derek “ I should go home now. See you when I see you”

  
“Sure” Isaac and Scott say in unison, exchanging a puzzled look.

  
Derek’s last option is to ask Stiles himself. Or at least, try to make Stiles talk about his date. He reaches the boy’s house and jumps on the roof to look into Stiles’ bedroom. The kid is reading on his bed, one arm behind his head and the other keeping the book open. He is beautiful and Derek really doesn’t want to interrupt him, but he has to. _Just to make sure he is safe, right?_

  
“Stiles” says Derek, and the boy literally jumps off his bed and grabs his bat before realizing it’s only Derek.

  
“Dude, Jesus Christ! You scared the hell out of me!”

  
“I saw” says Derek, trying to hide his smile. “Sorry”

  
“Save it. You aren’t really sorry”

  
“I am” insists Derek, stepping in the bedroom and watching Stiles letting go of his bat.

  
“Why are you here anyway?” asks Stiles, sitting on the bed. He pats the space next to him and Derek sits a few inches away.

  
“Uhm,I.. just wanted to make sure you got home safe after last night?” Okay, this is really a stupid answer.

  
“And you remember only now? Derek, it’s nearly dinner time. I could have been killed and ripped into pieces and eaten by a bear by this time”

  
“Please” says Derek rolling his eyes “I had some things to do this morning” Like trying to make Scott talk about Saturday night “If this is not okay for you…”

  
“No!” says Stiles “It’s perfectly fine. Actually, I wanted to apologize for last night. I fell asleep and you had to watch a movie you didn’t even like”

  
“I kept watching it, actually. It was pretty good, to be honest”

  
“Really?”

  
“Yes. You were right about the aliens”

  
They stay silent for a few seconds and then Stiles talks again. “Do you want to watch another movie? You know, my father has another night shift and…”

  
“Okay” says Derek.

  
“Okay?”

  
“Sure. But, I choose the movie this time”

  
Stiles laughs and gestures Derek to search a movie on his computer. “Your collection is nothing compared to the Internet” says Stiles, and Derek gives him an annoyed look.

  
“My collection has a value”

  
“Yeah, sure, I was only joking” says Stiles lifting his arms and rolling his eyes.

  
“I know. I was joking, too”

 

* * *

 

 

Derek chooses It just because Stiles has spent the last hour assuring him he can totally watch a horror movie.

  
“But why you had to choose the one with that horrible clown? I’m sure I’m going to dream about that face tonight. And for the rest of my life”

  
Derek can’t help but laugh. “It was just a clown, Stiles. You said you didn’t get scared so easily”

  
“Yeah, I thought I had seen enough of werewolves and stuff like that to be brave enough and watch a movie about Ronald McDonald”

  
“Guess you’re not”

  
They have moved closer during the movie and now their shoulders are brushing. Derek turns slightly his head and sees that Stiles is already looking at him with his big and sweet eyes. Derek only wants to shut them close with a kiss that Stiles wouldn’t easily forget, but he keeps on thinking about his date the next day. In just a few hours. He can’t kiss him because he is probably already taken. But before Derek can step back he feels Stiles’ hands on his chest and then Stiles is kissing him so hard that Derek lets a moan out of his mouth and smiles in the kiss so wide his cheeks hurt. He opens his lips just a bit more and lets Stiles pass his tongue inside his mouth, enjoying every single moment of the kiss. Then, he realizes what he’s doing.

  
“Stiles-” he says, but the boy is once again on his lips not letting him talk. “Stiles, stop!” says Derek, using all his willpower to put again some distance between them.

“What? Why?” his lips are red and a little swollen and Derek just wants to kiss him again.

  
“I have to go” he says, stepping up of the bed and reaching the window.

  
“But… why?” says Stiles. Derek can’t stand his sad face and can’t wait to be alone in his house, thinking about the mistake he has just done.

  
“You really don’t know?” answers Derek, and a second later he is gone.

  
Stiles calls for him again and again but he doesn’t come back. He sits on his bed and cries the whole night.

* * *

 

 

The next night Stiles isn’t in the mood of making the April Fools’ joke he has planned for Scott anymore. He is sad and confused about what has happened with Derek last night but he thought that maybe seeing Scott’s startled face will cheer him up. Stiles has planned this prank for at least two weeks and the first of April is the perfect day to set it up. He has called Danny and has asked him if he can pretend to be his date for the night and – thank God- the guy has accepted. The reason why Stiles has come up with such a stupid idea is that Scott is always hitting on him for not having dated anyone, yet.

“You’re eighteen, Stiles. You should totally date someone” Scott says every time they talk about their love life. Which, for Stiles, is not existent.

  
But what can Stiles do? He has been interested in Lydia for years but she clearly didn’t even consider him… and now Derek. Derek, who finally has kissed him and then has run away. Is Stiles a bad kisser? Not that he has a lot of experience but still…

  
Stiles sees Danny on the other side of the restaurant where they’re waiting for Scott and Kira and gestures him to sit at one of the tables, with his back to the door so that Scott won’t recognize him immediately. Danny smiles and nods and Stiles is smiling and nodding back when he feels a strong hand on his shoulder. He turns and sees Derek standing right in front of him with the saddest eyes Stiles has ever seen.

  
“Derek!” Stiles nearly screams “ What are you doing here?”

  
“So this is where you’re going to have you date?” says Derek looking frantically around them “This is where you’re going to meet that Internet boy? Stiles, I- _fuck_ ” He is breathing so hard and his heart is pounding so fast that he is shifting in the middle of a restaurant. _“Calm down, Derek”_

  
“Derek, I don’t understand. What are you doing here? How did you know I was here in the first place?” says Stiles looking with a concerned look at Derek’s eyes. They flash red for a second and then return to their original color.

  
“I followed you”

  
“You fol- What? Why? You left me last night!”

  
“I left you for a reason, asshole!” says Derek “Don’t you understand?”

  
“Please, don’t say because I’m human and you’re a fucking werewolf. At least you could be original”

  
“Are you serious? You’re at the date with that boy you met on the Internet! You’re already dating someone!”

  
Stiles’ eyes go big and his lips fall apart. He is unable to talk for the first time in his entire life, so he keeps on staring at Derek.

  
“I know that the kiss was a mistake but…”

  
“YOU!” Stiles screams “You’re a stupid fucking asshole who simply can not mind his own business! You heard me talking with Scott!”

  
“I’m glad I did” answers Derek “At least I knew you weren’t really interest in me”

  
“That was a joke, Derek! Do you even know what day is today?”

  
Derek makes a confused face and stays silent for a few seconds. When he finally talks his voice is flat. “It’s the first of April…”

  
“YES! Exactly! April Fool’s day, you know? It was just a stupid joke I was making to Scott because he’s always piss-“

  
“So you’re telling me you don’t really have a date” says Derek, still having a hard time trying to figure out what Stiles is saying.

  
“I don’t”

  
“Stiles, I swear to God you are the most-”

  
“Derek? What are you doing here?”

  
They both turn and, sure, Scott is there holding Kira’s hand, both looking confused. “Derek is your date?” asks innocently the girl.

  
“No” says Stiles “Look guys, this- this is really embarrassing. And not funny anymore, all because of Derek”

  
“What are you talking about?” says Scott “Where’s your date?”

  
“There’s no date! Today is the first of April, it was only and April Fool’s prank. God, why none of you is smart enough to know what day is?”

  
“Because you’re the only one who still thinks about April Fool’s” says Derek, and Stiles looks at him with a threatening look.

  
“You better shut up”

  
“Guys?” Danny has reached them in the middle of the restaurant, looking more than confused. “What is going on?”

  
“Danny?” Scott, Kira and Derek say at the same time.

  
“Yeah, right, I asked Danny to help me with the prank. You were supposed to see him at the table and think he was my date and then find out he was only Danny. I thought it was going to be fun, but now it isn’t anymore”

  
“So there’s no dinner?” asks Scott.

  
“You stay here and have your dinner. I need to talk to Stiles and I can assure he’s not going to be back in a short time” says Derek, and then grabs Stiles by his hand and leads him out of the restaurant, towards his car.

“Get in” says Derek when they reach the black Camaro. Stiles is too scared to answer with a sassy comment and follows Derek’s order. “Where are we going? Listen Derek, I’m sorry… but this is clearly a misunderstanding…”

  
“A misunderstanding, you say? Do you know I spent the last two days being worried that you were about to go out with a potential stalker?” He is driving towards is house and is trying to focus on the road in front of him. “Do you know that the other night I had to use every ounce of my control to not kiss you again and again and again and then-” Derek stops and for a second looks surprised. What the hell are you talking about?

  
“Oh, poor little Derek. You spent two day of your life worrying about me! Well, I spent the last fucking year worrying about you and you never- ever- gave a shit about me! I always tried to spend my free time with you, to help you, even to protect you…. And you didn’t even notice!” Stiles is shouting so loud that Derek’s sensible ears are aching.

  
The car goes silent and Derek can still hear Stiles breathing hard next to him. He is right. He is totally right. Derek remembers all Stiles’ little cute gestures towards him. Stiles helping him cleaning his loft after a party, Stiles giving Derek advice about Scott, Stiles calling him when he knew Derek was home alone, without Peter or Cora. And then Derek is pulling off and stopping his car even before they reach his house because – God, he is so stupid- Stiles is totally right and he deserves to know. So _You’re right_ he says, and then grabs Stiles’ shirt and pulls him towards his chest, kissing him full and hard because Derek wants Stiles to know that he is a jerk and Stiles is the smartest, wiser and most beautiful human – and not human- being he has ever met.

  
Stiles kisses him back and then climbs on Derek’s legs, stuck between the werewolf’s chest and the steering wheel. “I know. I’m always right” says Stiles kissing Derek on the neck.

  
Derek snorts and takes Stiles’ shirt off. “Ehy, now. I think we should talk about this” says Stiles kissing Derek’s neck again and again- assaulting it. “You just ruined my date with my friends- not my boyfriend, okay, but still. And now you think you have the right to see me naked?”

  
“Stiles, shut up and keep doing what you’re doing” says Derek closing his eyes “Whatever it is”

  
Stiles laughs a little and keeps on kissing Derek. “Seriously” he says between each kiss “I’m not sure you deserve a full view of my glorious body, plus, it’s a really bad habit to overhear other people’s conversations”

  
Stiles tries to lower Derek’s jeans and underwear and Derek helps him because, well, the wheel is really close and Stiles keeps on moving without really lowering them. Derek moans when Stiles touches is cock under his boxers and, Derek swears, Stiles literally _giggles._

  
“You know” says Stiles, while Derek is trying not to shift into a fucking werewolf in front of him “This is exactly what I dreamt about for the last year” He squeezes a little on Derek’s erection that now is clearly visible.

  
“You dirty little-” Derek tries to say, but he feels Stiles’ hand moving on his cock. It feels beautiful. It feels perfect. If Derek could wish for anything in that moment, he would wish for Stiles to never stop touching him.

  
“What? Do you want to say something?”

  
But Derek is already lost in his own world. He feels Stiles touching him in a way Derek thought was not possible, especially for a kid like Stiles, who never dated anyone. Well, Derek is glad he is his first time because he has no intention of letting him go. Ever. He kisses Stiles and Stiles kisses him and the Camaro honks when Stiles hit the wheel. They both laugh and then Stiles, Derek doesn’t know how, manages to bend himself on Derek’s lap and take his head in his mouth. Derek moans and- literally- growls and thinks he’s dead and his car is his personal heaven. And then, Stiles engulfs his cock in one swift movement and when Derek comes, he comes with a scream so loud that Stiles feels proud of himself.

  
Derek decides it is time to take Stiles home. Derek’s home.

  
“You just can’t get enough of me, right?” says Stiles, watching as Derek’s driving to the loft. Damn, he is sexy when he’s driving.

  
“This is just my way to apologize to you” answers Derek even if both of them know that is a total lie.

  
“Your way to apologize to me is making sweet and tender love to me?”

  
Derek smiles. “Who says it’ll be sweet and tender?”

* * *

 

 

Derek meant what he was saying. Stiles finds himself face down on Derek’s bed without knowing how or when. Derek is above him completely naked and Stiles has only his socks on, the blue one with the stripes. “I can’t believe the whole double date thing was an April Fools’ joke” says Derek, and he seems – not angry- but incredulous. “You are such a stupid-” but he stops because Stiles is basically begging him with his eyes closed- begging him to fuck him.

  
“Please, Derek, please” And Derek is only able to hear him because of his werewolf ears, because Stiles is whispering with his mouth on the sheets and he is so beautiful and hot at the same time that Derek can’t believe he hasn’t noticed Stiles’ behavior before. Maybe he is the stupid one.

  
“As you wish, Stiles” smiles Derek. He grabs the lube from the drawer beside the bed and starts pouring it on his fingers and cock getting ready for Stiles, who is shivering under his legs. “It’s okay. I want to make you feel good. I will make you feel good”

  
“I know” says Stiles, turning his head a little to look at him “I want you so bad. I wanted you for an entire fucking year. And you complained about two days”

  
“Shut up”

  
Derek kisses Stiles’ back and then reaches down, pushing in one of his long fingers. Stiles is moaning louder now and Derek can fell the boy’s muscles tight around his finger. He pushes another finger and waits for Stiles’ body to adjust.

  
“Are you okay? Is this okay?” asks Derek.

  
“Go on, please, Derek” says the boy and Derek is happy to obey. He moves his fingers inside Stiles asshole and when Stiles screams with pleasure Derek knows he has just hit the magic spot. “Right there, Derek. You’re so fucking-”, but he stops talking because Derek knows what he’s doing and Stiles is overwhelmed with pleasure.

  
Derek lets his fingers slide out and with one hand guides his cock inside, slowly sinking down. Stiles’ eyes are watering, Derek can see, but the boy never complains. “I want you I want you I want you” says Stiles, and Derek can’t help but sink down just a little bit more. Stiles is still tight, but eventually his muscles relax and Derek starts to roll his hips slowly, savoring every second.

  
“I’m already yours” says Derek and in that very moment he realizes that it is true. Stiles owns his soul and Derek never even knew it. Not before that stupid April Fool’s joke. Thank God for Stiles and his pranks.  
Derek grabs Stiles’ cock, whispering dirty words in the boy’s ear. “I want to see you come for me. Because of me”

  
“You’re doing a pretty good job” answers Stiles with his face completely pervaded with pleasure. And just moments later Derek feels Stiles coming on his hand with a shout, and that is it. Derek come as well and Stiles is finally satisfied, because all he wanted was to feel Derek inside him, in all the ways possible. Derek falls on Stiles’ back and starts kissing him on his neck and on his shoulders, telling him You’re perfect in every language he knows.

  
Stiles laughs “The Russian version of you’re perfect sounds strange” he says “But I like the Italian one”

  
 _“Sei perfetto_ ” Derek repeats and then rolls off Stiles to lie next to him. “And smart. And beautiful- I said it a thousand times today”

  
“I thought you said I was the most stupid person you had ever met for pulling off that prank today”

  
“I was joking”

  
“Another Aprils fool’s joke?”

  
“I don’t want to talk about the first of April ever again”

  
They kiss once more and Stiles doesn’t care what Derek has just said. Pulling off that stupid prank to Scott was the best idea he has ever had in his entire life.


End file.
